I started this blog to keep me honest, to keep me focussed and to make sure that I don’t hide from the truth ever again.
Nobody wants to be an obese fat person – right?
So why did I get myself into that state? How did I allow the quality of my life to degrade to the point where I was hiding from life and the world at large?
There was never a conscious decision to pile on the kilos. I guess I could have fooled myself still for years to come that I was ok, that I was fine and that I was just a little “chubby”. Mirrors were easily avoided – after all I only looked at myself in the little make-up mirror for many years and completely discarded the fact that there was a whole body from the double chins down. So easy to play ostrich and detach yourself from daily life by weaving this whole mental fabric of lies around what you are becoming.
We all need to reach that place of “ENOUGH IS ENOUGH” ourselves – for some its a health scare, for others its a cataclysmic change in our lives and for people like me its terrifying photographic proof in living colour that left NO margin for error on how big I truly was.
I guess I could have carried on ignoring the proof that was in front of my very eyes and avoided facing the truth, but the metal gears in my head shifted when I saw our holiday photographs. Suddenly I realised that I had become a spectator in life and that I was just “existing” and forgot what it was to truly live.
Its nearly 6½ months since I made that final decision to do something about my weight and while the journey has been tough and lonely in some instances, sad and emotional in others, scary and terrifying at most – it can now only be described as spectacularly jubilant and amazingly life changing!
There is not a day that goes by that people don’t comment or congratulate me on my amazing progress. Yesterday I bumped into a friend who I had seen last seen the beginning of January 2013 and his jaw literally dropped. He couldn’t stop talking about the change in me and even asked me if I had plastic surgery. So cool!
Truth be told its rather embarrassing and sometimes I wish the earth would open up and swallow me whole – but I’ve learnt to just accept the fact that the changes are astronomical and that I must just accept the praise gracefully while going all delicate shades of pink, purple and cerise.
I still have about 20-23 kilos to go – but my goodness its a whole lot less than the original 51.4 kilos mountain that I had to cross when I started. I’m revising my original thought to stop at 60 kilograms because the dietician said that it won’t look right on a woman my age – but I will assess for myself when I get closer to the mark. I will know when I finally weigh the right amount.
In the meantime my journey is filled with living my life! I eat out when I want to, I treat myself when I need to and I enjoy myself when ever I can.
As long as I know the repercussion of my choices and I’m willing to pay the price for that delicious Caramel Sunday. I enjoy it once a while without beating myself up – just as long as I know that it will take that much longer to lose the weight and that much more time to spend in the gym to loosen the resultant clinging evidence from my tummy and hips. As long as I don’t obsess about food every day of my life and as long as my days are now filled with healthy choices.
I allow myself and I forgive myself when I indulge. I don’t make a habit of it and I sure as heck don’t allow food to rule my life anymore. I CHOOSE to eat the low oil vegetable pasta just so that I can have a Walnut Crème Brule afterwards. I CHOOSE to have Green Tea when we go out for a coffee date just so that I can have a bran or carrot muffin with it. I CHOOSE not to eat chocolates and chips during the day just so that I can have a Milky Bar Hot Chocolate at a lunch date.
Its all about choices now and its working for me.
I’m still steadily losing and I’m still going to the gym every morning before work to tone up. As long as I don’t become obsessive and as long as I enjoy the journey called life no matter where it takes me to next.
As an aside – they just delivered my new Samsung Galaxy S5 – which I am going to play with the whole day! whoop whoop!